If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
