youre lurking in front of me
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
