No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
There r osticjed everywhere
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
