this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
