Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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