JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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