My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
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