He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
