Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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