I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
