Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
