They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
