GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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