my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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