So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
People with herpes should wear stickers.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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