I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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