i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
