I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
