i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
