a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
