when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
