dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
