When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
