I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
