I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
