went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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