I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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