I can tuck mytits in my pants
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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