i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
