Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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