I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
this is an emotional support booty call
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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