we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
