hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
