You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
