...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Success! We fucked roommates!
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
