How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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