I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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