i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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