Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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