Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
