I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
