super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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