I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
