if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
