So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
