Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
