Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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