Just fell off a train. Bad.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
