you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
