mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
